It is important to know why you're doing everything you do. At least to me. I cannot do anything without a purpose despite whatever bullshit I spout. In fact, to confuse others and just to make my life more exciting (ie just for the heck of it) are some of the purposes that certain actions can serve.
I wonder if everyone actually does that, or do they all just live life to "have kids someday", "make it in life" or "retire by 40". Or better still, they've never thought about it and have been living life the way they thought they're "supposed to".
"Because my parents told me to study hard, get a good job, start a family and retire to take care of my grandchildren someday."
Damn, I really want to hear someone say that from the bottom of his/her heart. That would really be one of the best days ever, because I'd be seeing a true organic robot. Replacing "my parents" with "the media" works too.
What made me think about this was this girl I know who seem so emo all the time I'm surprised I don't see scars on her wrists. She's always so insecured and the first time I met her, I already could recognize that. The first clue was her makeup, or the large amounts of it anyway. She's only in her early 20s and she's using as much as some of the teachers I had who were in their 50s. Worse is that she's not even ugly to begin with.
And now on her Facebook she's like "Why can't I live a happy life?"
What on earth is she talking about? What she should be asking instead is, "Why can't I be happy?"
Everytime I read the stuff she types on Facebook or MSN (both of which I can't avoid and I'm already avoiding her blog because of the sheer amount of emoness that bursts out of the screen I can almost drown in the torrents) I can't help but think of one line said by the fictional character Richard Rahl in the Sword of Truth series, "Think about the solution, not the problem!"
And I find that all she seems to do is think about her own problems. Seriously, someone please convert her to Christianity or something if she's not already a devout believer in something other than that her life sucks. At the rate it's going, Jesus is going to be the only one who'd love her. Or some equally emo guy who would finally find his soulmate... (Gah double the emo! Imagine their combo blog power!) But anyway, last I heard she's attached. Maybe he's the sort who likes insecured girls. I have problems with insecured girls.
I may not be the only person who believes that everything in life can be analyzed, but she sure isn't one of them. Once a problem is analyzed, the root found, a solution can be made. Only thing is, she doesn't do that and seems to just stare at her problems and cry.
Perhaps that is what you get if you ignore your problems too long, letting them fester and grow like tumours till they get out of control. I can't say I'm above that, even I like to escape from my problems. Difference is, if shit happens I don't cry about it because I know I deserve it, even if I don't learn from it. :P
I just hate people who whine about things they probably deserve. Whenever I hear that I'd always be thinking," Oh screw that! You brought that onto yourself and now you're pissed that it happened?"
But I don't say that out loud. That would be inconsiderate. Civilization demands that we lie in order to be nice people. I can't defy that and still be civilized, right?
http://www.break.com/index/british-reporter-terrified-of-rollercoaster.html
When you are too scared to ride a rollercoaster, watch this video and remember her bravery. You can tell she's the sort who would wait for her friends outside while they take all the rollercoasters in the amusement park. Especially at the end when she almost vomited. Good thing she didn't eat before this ride. That guy was really inconsiderate though.
Thinking is the hardest job in the world. It looks simple but it's easier to be a labourer than a business owner. It pays better, though.
Mushrooms! Mushrooms are cheap and they are good! Straw mushrooms. Oyster mushrooms. Shitake mushrooms. Just need a piece of meat to make some broth and throw in the mushrooms when it's hot! Man, why is so hard for my mum to understand that plain food is good! Just because they're associated with poor health doesn't make them taste bad.
So I realized that spending about S$400-500 a month isn't considered thrifty. Last month I spent around $530 total while this month I spent $200 in 3 weeks. Most of my money went into food, especially my grocery trips that can cost up to $80 including the transport costs.
I really should get a fridge next semester if my roommate doesn't already have one. This can allow me to save costs by cooking real food more often instead of relying on canned food. Canned food costs the most money according to my budget and now that I've finally gotten sick of canned food, I have more reasons to cook fresh food in the future. Or semi-fresh, anyway. Small fridges suck at keeping things cold when you have drinks in there. You tend to open it often to get something to drink.
Plus I've learnt that those bottles of soy sauce that states on the label that it should be refridgerated after opening can last at least two months at room temperature if you keep it in a drawer, aka a dark and dry place. Butter can last at least 3 weeks.
Without a fridge, I've been testing around with how long things last in Singapore in normal temperature. Pork can last at least a day even without using salt. But then, maybe it's also because I have this drawer stuffed full of balled up plastic bags that can keep things cold for several hours.
Anyway, the only way I can cut down further is by not taking taxis at all. This should cut my budget by about $100. This isn't something I want to do because it sucks enough as it is just to leave home knowing I'll be having another week of shittiness stuck in campus. The discomfort when I take public transport will only make my life much worse.
Buses - I hate it when my knees push painfully against the seat in front. I can avoid it only by opening my legs but this would push against the legs of the person next to me. MRT - I always prefer to stand if it's crowded. If someone sits next to me I'll have to close my legs. As a large person, it actually takes constant effort to keep my legs closed. I can still remember the time when I was slimmer and that wasn't a trouble, but that's many years ago. So whenever someone sits next to me, it gets really tiring on my inner thighs after roughly 30mins.
Therefore, cabs. Large people are not meant to take other forms of public transport, not in Singapore.
So the guy my mum took care of for her friend, also his mother, is finally gone. After 5 years, he has finally graduated secondary school from Normal Academic stream. If I've never mentioned this before, well the long story really doesn't have much for me to mention. And did I say it's a long story, in case you're going to ask any questions?
He told my mum he's guessing that he'll be getting quite a few aces and pass his English. I don't know. I've never observed his work before. Hell, I don't even talk to him. No big deal. I rarely talk at home anyway. Me and my bro live most of our home lives in front of our respective computers. Him with his omnipotent desktop and me with my humble laptop.
But anyway, I don't believe he's going to pass his English. Neither do I believe he's going to get more than a single ace, if at all. He's probably judging the standards with his prelims and that's pretty inaccurate. I know for a fact that neighbourhood secondary schools always pimp up everyone's prelim scores to improve confidence.
The fact is, if I'm a lousy student, he's way worse. And I know I suck as a student. For years I've been wasting my parents' money by ignoring my private tutors. Mostly by not doing homework and spending all my tuition times doing them and having nothing to ask. The fact is I never knew what tuition was for. What was there to ask?? Nothing requires understanding, only remembering. All I needed to do was to do everything so often it becomes a sort of muscle memory.
Anyway, back to the main story. He disliked tuition and was unafraid to voice it out. After getting scolded (sometimes quite loudly) by the tutor for who knows how many sessions, he finally decided to retaliate by making her quit. I don't know the details other than he told her in her face that he's firing her. I didn't know what he was trying to accomplish, but it pissed her off enough to quit.
But it was already halfway through his final year, and my mum knew how pointless it would be to get a new tutor so late. So she persuaded her to stay using all her persuasive powers. The tutor lasted another few months before quitting for good. She was immune to persuasion by then.
And so he went on without a tutor. Man I wish I did that too, but in a more peaceful way. I'm a pacifist. And his English still sucked then. He never stopped failing his English tests and exams. Maybe an exception once in a while, but the general trend had always been below the passing grade.
Therefore, I don't see how he was going to pass his English at O levels.
It's different for everyone, though. For me I have to make a conscious effort to fail English. Kidding I am not. I deliberately failed my General Paper to repeat JC just so that I can get a 2nd chance at passing my F-Maths. And I almost passed! I was surprised at the AO grade for my GP that year because AO means "barely failed".
I can still remember the time during the exam when I was deciding how to fail. Should I just hand in a blank script or at least write something. I decided to write a decent amount of stuff to pass the time. For the comprehension I did everything but the AQ section and only wrote a 6 lines of summary. As for the essay, I wrote 2 pages and left every alternate line blank. Didn't care if the essay was incomplete. I expected a full-blown F. I can still remember all that because I was wondering if I was writing too much.
Back to the main story again. I don't believe he'll pass his English. At the very most, I expect the lowest possible passing grade. And I seriously don't believe he'll qualify for JC, no matter what he said. But he's not coming back anyway. He's going to use his O Level grades in HK, where he's from. He may get into the pre-U courses, but the Fail is strong is this one! And the Doubt is strong in me.
I won't wish him luck either, unless we're talking about the bad kind. He's not a good person. He's been caught fiddling with wallets and my "coin mug" in my home on several occasions. Even the part time cleaners we hire every week are more honest than him.
My mum's getting old and doesn't have a good memory, so we have no evidence that he stole anything. However, there is no reason for him to even touch her purse in the middle of the night...
Now that he's gone, there still won't be much difference in my life at home. He doesn't disturb me, only my coin mug when I'm not around. I only want to know his results, which my mum has to mail to him when it arrives. He's one of those people I'm really curious about. I want to know how people with little self-control and discipline will do when they get older. Seeing those middle-aged contruction workers and labourers isn't enough. I want to witness the process of turning an energetic teenage loser into a haggard whiny old man with an ugly wife. I already know the results, I just want to know the how of it. Curiosity.
Wearing branded goods makes no difference in my eyes. He does that and I don't respect him any for that. He comes from a poor family because the sole breadwinner passed away a few years ago, yet he doesn't work even though he's the eldest. His mother doesn't make much.
I believe that is precisely why he likes branded stuff. People like me have experienced what it is like to have no desires because we were given more than we wanted. Hell, my parents used to buy me stuff even when I never asked for anything. I think I've been some sort of a nihilist since childhood lol!
But other people seem different. They like expensive goods just because they've got the right brands. What I've derived from my observations is that most people never had enough since they were born. They have never been through a time when they're given things even when they don't want anything. They've always wanted something they couldn't get.
Part of me blames the mass media for that. In a way, the internet is the best way to save money. Not just for the software piracy, but because there are fewer ads that catch your attention. And it's all just visual, no audio. To see a burger is one thing, to hear "it tastes good and you know you want it" is quite another.
Some people want stuff for reasons I cannot understand. I think they want them just for the sake of having them, which I cannot understand. Am I too pragmatic? I don't own anything that I won't use.
For example, what's the point of having an iPod with a freaking huge capacity? Store vids? With such a puny screen, I can't see the point of that other than using it as a portable hard drive. Or the purpose of having that latest phone filled with new purposes I know for sure you won't use?
Is this the fabled Materialism? The desire of owning stuff just for the sake of owning them?
If that is so, and if that is as rampant as I think it is, I weep a little for humanity.
This is sad, no?
These people are misguided, they find no purpose in life and so they spend their money to prove to themselves that what they're doing, what they're earning, serves a purpose! They don't know what else to do with their money that would make them happy. This is derived from the belief that money makes people happy.
That's just a guess.
And so I weep a tear for Mankind, out of pity.
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