Rant 043 / Snipers for Dummies

Introduction

Snipers are a well-known health hazard. The Ministry of Health has denounced the use of snipers in everyday life, and has introduced a heavy fine on the employment of snipers in the private sector.

Identifying a sniper

A sniper is a person specializing in shooting from a concealed position, and usually from longer ranges than a regular person. To define the term "sniper" clearly, one must pay close attention to what this description says.

A "position" can mean many things. In dictionary.com, "position" has 18 definitions. Therefore, in this context, the most logical choice would be "a place or location". From this, we can derive the meaning of "position of concealment" as a hidden location.

Let me explain this with a simple metaphor. If you hide a gun in your pants, it is a concealed weapon. It's location, your pants, would be the hidden location, or the "position of concealment". Understand?

In most cases, snipers are male. Thus, men who are good at shooting from hidden places, with a longer range than the regular guys, are snipers.

But there aren't many things a man can shoot with. Obviously, the "shooting" must be a reference to pissing, or ejaculation. Since the penis is usually hidden by an underwear, pants or vagina, logically, the groin area must be the concealed location. Adding these to the above incomplete definition of the sniper, we can now see that a sniper is "a man who can piss and ejaculate further than most guys".

So how do you know who can "piss and ejaculate further than most guys"? There are many ways. Use your imagination.

If you're a man, it can't be too hard to observe the ranges of other men. I mean, we do see lots of other grown men do that to other men in the public washrooms, so it can't be that difficult.

If you're a woman, it's so easy I don't see the need to go any further.

Dealing with a sniper who is hunting you

So now you can tell a sniper from the other guys. How do you avoid being hunted( and found) by one?

Snipers are known to finish their jobs with one shot by using "head-shots". This is done by shooting at the heads of their victims. Getting urine or semen on your head may not be lethal, but it will definitely humiliate you and give you nightmares for the rest of your life. Unless you're female or gay, in which case getting "facials" may be fine for some of you.

Avoiding this may be easier than you think. Simply cover your head with something waterproof, like a plastic bag. Breathing may become harder, but it sure is better than breathing piss and come. For best results, tie it around your neck so that he cannot pull it off.

Counter-sniping

A very effective way to deal with snipers is to snipe him before he does you! But simply shooting at his head is not enough to stop a well-trained sniper; a shot in the eye or mouth is necessary. This will blind him or choke him respectively, effectively disabling him.

However, one must take note the sexual preferences of the sniper before shooting at his mouth, lest you fail at disabling him and even excite him further. This may be very hard to accomplish in the various likely situations, so avoid shooting at his mouth if his eyes are open.

Aftermath

It is recommended that you report any snipers you find to the Ministry of Health. Health officials will then use the appropriate procedures to maintain public hygiene.

Myths

1. Snipers do not breed in stagnant waters.
2. Peter North is not a sniper.
3. Your dad may be a sniper.
4. "Facials" are not hygienic.
5. Your mom.
6. Sniping is delicate work. One uncontrolled shiver of orgasmic joy and your shot will be off.
7. There are no studies to confirm the dermatological benefits of "facials".

This is inferior to the previous post! But then, I'm only practising.