Sometimes one has to wonder what one can do to make things better.
My weight has remained at 103.5kg (from 110kg just over a week ago) despite a full slab of ribs from Tony Roma's last Saturday. Fantastic.
Just 2.5kg to go before I can get myself weighed at the FCC and get out of the IPT programme for the year.
Two major issues screwing up my mind.
First, I am not very sure why this is happening but I feel down. The full force of my loneliness has finally surfaced after that trouble last week and I'm now feeling it so hard right now. But I've ignored it for years, so why is it that I can't bury it back again?
Or maybe it's still the girl. I've already decided to give up all hope on her despite encouragement from various people, mainly because she's leaving SG permanently next year. Even if she's staying, it's already close to impossible, so with her departure, there's a far better chance of me striking a lottery than success in this.
Second, my work. My output so far this month is horrendous compared to last year's. Something is clearly wrong but then again, maybe it's because I have much fewer old stuff to throw out.
This year, my staff isn't going to get bonuses as generous as what they got last year.
Now I understand why some of the people I talked to avoid relationships. These feelings take so long to go away! They're making me feel down unnecessarily too often. On some days, I don't even feel like doing anything because of this.
Like blogging.
I have tons of stuff that I would have said here in better times but now, all I feel like talking about is my emotions. How screwed up is that?
I know this isn't just depression or loneliness but also that lingering longing for her. I need to get these out of my system, but how?
My mind tells me that I must give up; my heart still resists to some degree. But I cannot stay single forever! Sure, my dad got married at 40 but I don't want to take a risk like he did by marrying a woman he only knew for a few months!
I may be a businessman but I'm not a born gambler like many businesspeople are.
Therefore I must let go, but how?
I'm feeling better now, way better than yesterday when I felt down all day for no apparent reason. Was that depression? Again?
Now, at least, I can read the news and blog about this.
Slow-jogged 4km! Woot!
Initially I was only planning to complete 2-3km but unable to push myself to go at a faster pace, I decided to compensate with distance.
Lost 2 inches around my waist so far. Now my pants feel baggy. A new pair I had recently ordered was slightly too big at 42 inches but the length was ridiculous. It will be necessary to get it shortened by at least 2 inches before I can wear it.
Looking ahead, it's obvious that I will need smaller pants, and eventually, I will be able to share with my bro. I'm so looking forward to that! Woot woot!
November 4th 2013.
Haven't blogged in a while.
What I want to talk about is my weight. My pre-breakfast post-morning-shit weight is 100.5kg, making my total weight loss at this moment to be 9.5kg in just over 2 weeks.
Sure, 7kg was from the dramatic change in diet, but 2.5kg in 2 weeks? That's including the muscle mass I've gained judging from the greatly improved stamina I'm noticing in myself. The other day, I managed to really jog over 2km, as in there is that bounce that a jog requires. My slow jog I'd mentioned previously had minimal bounce in the calf/feet area, so it was just very rapid small steps combined with arm-swinging.
Now I can really jog 2km, although back pain has prevented me from jogging for three straight days including today. It's almost gone now so I'll be returning tomorrow. The back pain was muscle pain likely from my horrible posture since I always leaned forward when I'm tired to make myself move forward.
This is almost like BMT back in NS when I also lost a kg per week, except I remember I ate and exercised a lot more than this.
In other words, I'm obtaining the same result through a far milder version of BMT.
This has also made me weaker physically though, such that I feel cold much more easily. I think.
Evidence: for weeks, I've been sleeping with my fan at lowest speed, sometimes even aiming away from me. The night I had my once-a-week special dinner of Taiwanese-style chicken cutlets, some fries and fried fish balls from Hot Star, I felt hot the entire night even with the fan aiming towards me (still at lowest speed), and the morning felt way warmer than usual, to the point where I had to switch my fan to maximum speed and aim it towards me like I used to.
Today, it's at the lowest speed again.
Deduction: the insane lack of carbs and calories in my diet is possibly inhibiting my body's ability to maintain my body temperature.
Implication: I must eat normally when I go overseas, particularly in Seoul, so I will expect to gain weight.
Necessary action: I must find some aerobic exercises that I can do within my hotel room. Maybe I will bring my resistance bands.
Spent almost $1700 at Suit Select the other day to buy a suit for both my bro and myself. The salesman was helpful enough when it became clear that we didn't know much about suits.
Too bad this suit I'm buying is just a temporary one due to my weight loss. By the time I attend the wedding, I expect it to be far looser than it is now, but I can't predict how loose so I can't ask them to adjust pre-emptively.
Right now, I've already lost at least 3 inches from my waist. 2 weeks, 3 inches. So 6 inches in another month? Is that realistic?
Anyway my current pants feel baggy and I need to punch new holes in my belt again. There's so much excess length in my belt that I definitely need a new one too.
With the end of year sales coming, the timing of my weight loss is perfect.
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