Finally, people are more aware of light pollution! This month's edition of Nat Geo magazine has an article that discusses its effects. I've probably never mentioned it in my conversations and even rants here before because I thought no one in Singapore has even heard of this term. I did mention it once, but the conversation kinda died right when I said light pollution is the reason why Singapore's sky is so empty at night. It was awkward and revealed to me the extent of ignorance of even fellow undergrads on a very widespread phenomenon like this. I never once used this term ever again nor have I ever mentioned this topic.
Everyone seems to think that air pollution is the reason, including me some years ago. It was until I got curious about why large observatories are always built in isolated areas and googled that I learnt that those giant telescopes are very sensitive to light pollution and must be far away from any lights at night to see clearly. Of course there's also our atmosphere that affects the view, which is why the Hubble telescope was built.
Here are some jokes from 4chan /r9k/ (no worries about copyright woohoo!)
A man goes to the doctor.
"Doctor!" he says, "I don't know what's going on but my left testicle has been turning blue over the last few days!" The doctor is taken aback by his statement, since he's never seen anything like it. So he tells the patient to drop trou and takes a good look at it. He runs a few tests but everything seems normal. A few days later the man comes back and the thing has gotten worse. "This doesn't look good. I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate it before it spreads to the rest of your body!" The man is scared enough to just let the doctor do what he says without thinking about it too much. So he undergoes surgery, a bit bummed but confident the problem would subside. A few days later he comes back with a horrible look on his face. "Doctor, now my right testicle is turning blue! I'm really scared!" The doctor this time is a bit quicker in his diagnosis, and of course suggest they cut off the right testicle as well. They arrange the surgery and everything goes as planned again. The man leaves convinced that it'll be his last visit. But a few days later he reveals that now it's his penis that's turning blue! The doctor really is at a loss of words. So he takes a good look at it, and him, takes a long deep breath and says: "If I were you, I'd stop wearing jeans."
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A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces his wife has just produced "a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds," Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" is heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?
The proud father answers, Seventeen pounds. The bartender is puzzled, concerned. Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth.
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long neck Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
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A lady in her late 40s went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon. "All these years everything's been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."
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I once visited a crematorium that gave a discount to burn victims.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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Pastor David walks into a hotel.
he says to the clerk " I hope the porn in my room is disabled'.
The clerk says ' No, it's regular porn you sick bastard".
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A bro is walking on the beach like he does every morning. Off in the distance he sees somebody laying out.
As he gets closer he notices its a quadriplegic girl. As he passes her shes asks "sir, due to my condition i have never been close to somebody. Could you please hug me"
The guy decides why not and goes over picks her up, and puts her back down. and starts to walk away again.
Then again he hears her "Mister, mister due to my condition i have never been close to anybody, could you please kiss me"
The man is slightly annoyed but feels bad so he goes over and picks her up and kisses her. Again he walks away.
Then again she calls to him "Sir, due to my condition i have never had sex. Could you please fuck me?"
The man decides what the hell, goes over and picks her up. Then he tosses her into the ocean. "Pretty fucked now arn't you bitch."
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A chemist, a physicist and a biologist are walking along the beach. The physicist stops, looks out at the ocean and says "I just have to understand the motion of the waves better" and walks into the sea and never returns. The biologist looks out to the sea and says "I just have to understand the sea creatures better" and walks out into the ocean and never returns. The chemist pulls out a notebook and writes "Physicist and biologist both soluble."
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bozo the clown is at a bar
a buxom blonde comes in and sits next to him
"BOZO BOZO I'M YOU'RE BIGGEST FAN!
CAN YOU SHOW ME A CLOWN TRICK?"
bozo says, "no, sorry, i'm off duty."
she persists
BUT BOZOOOOOOOOOOO PLEEEEEEEEEASE (bats her eyelashes)
"ok fine, you want a clown trick you got it." bozo says begrudgingly
He then takes her to behind the bar.
"Pull your skirt up"
perplexed, she agrees and bozo gets directly behind her, then she feels something in her pooper
"you feel my thumb moving around in your asshole?" he asks
"OHHH YES" she exclaims
Bozo while still standing behind her holds up both his thumbs and proclaims TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Element name: WOMAN.
Symbol: WO.
Atomic weight: 'Don't even go there'.
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element: MAN.
Symbol: XY.
Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralised by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool." says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in-movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a wink for Bobby.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:
"DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!!!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!!!"
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And some anti-jokes now. I find some anti-jokes better than actual jokes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because chickens naturally wander, and there was nothing on the pavement for him to walk straight toward.
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A horse walks into a bar.
The barman gets upset and sends him out.
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How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
He will probably have a white cane, and he may also be wearing dark sunglasses, even on a cloudy day.
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A jew, a black man and an arab enter to a bar.
What a perfect example of tolerance between humans.
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This chap walks into a pub and to his astonishment, notices that there's a chap stood at the bar who has a huge orange for a head. Despite his curiousity, the chap decides not to pry and sits down quietly.
After a few drinks, curiosity has overcome the chap and he decides to enquire.
"Excuse me, mate, but I couldn't help noticing you have a big orange for a head. What happened?"
"Well," says the man with the big orange for a head, "I moved into a large old house not so long ago. One afternoon, I decided to explore the attic and found an old brass lamp in the corner. I rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out, explained he had been trapped in there for two hundred years, and would grant me three wishes for releasing him."
"So what did you ask for first?" asks the curious chap.
"I asked for ten million pounds. The Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and he asked me to phone the bank, who confirmed my balance was now ten million pounds!"
"What did you ask for with your second wish?"
"Well, I asked if I could make love to the ten most beautiful women in the world. Again, the Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and the doorbell rang. Ten supermodels ran in, picked me up, carried me to bed, and ravished me all night!"
"Wow," says the curious chap, "What did you ask for with your third wish?"
"Well, I asked for a big orange for a head."
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What do you do when you see your TV floating in midair in the middle of the night?
Turn on the lights in hopes of comprehending the situation more fully.
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Your Mom is so fat that she sits in the house all day and cries. She also is at risk of numerous health complaints.
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