05th Jan 2023
She just rejected my second invitation to go out for coffee, so after saying "haha ok I get the hint," I intend to give up on her, pending her reply which most likely will cement the end. So I was probably right, she was out of my league. Also have very different interests.
07th Jan 2023
She's giving some serious mixed signals. First she said we could meet after CNY, then stopped replying again for over a day. I'm giving her a bit of WOT telling her she seems amazing and that her apparent disinterest is due to having better matches, since presumably she is talking to multiple matches simultaneously like myself. This conversation is seriously challenging to prop up, and if it cannot be sustained till even the eve, then it's going to be awkward to just suddenly ask her out.
If keeping this conversation for another three weeks were within my ability, I wouldn't still be single. Her replies tend to be short, with minimal details, and do not ask for more details when I give equally short answers, which can be interpreted as disinterest.
I'm probably being impatient and overthinking this, but tbh, this feels like a copy of the same situation with the Indian woman, where the actions and words don't match.
Anyway, another two matches today. Technically three but one unmatched just because I didn't reply within two hours of matching... due to an afternoon nap. The other two don't seem particularly promising, but that doesn't matter very much.
Beginning to think this back issue thing isn't wholly caused by my mattress but also partly due to sitting for too long.
Thought I was able to exercise today, but the moment I lifted the dumbbell, I felt something in my back. Let's not risk it...
Just finished The Outer Worlds. Kinda short, but it's so nice to play a first-person RPG of this quality and magnitude every once in a while.
Finally got around to trying the electric bass again, with a strap this time. I can say when it's higher, it seems easier to play than when it's resting on my lap. However, it's still a challenge to reach the highest string (E) with my pinkie and press down firmly with it, even on the 12th fret where it's rather close to my body.
Apparently that's normal and simply requires more scale practice. Like everything in life, it needs practice.
I'm still in the early part of the Valley of disappointment, so more training is needed to bring reach the intersection of the "What actually happens" curve and the "What you think should happen" line.
08th Jan 2023
Back's almost there now, 90% probably. No ache as I got out of bed, but still some when I sit with a leg crossed, or when I stand for a while.
The Chinese teacher replied with an apology for not checking her messages. I don't even know anymore. Of course will keep it going, but really not expecting much.
...
Wow she's really enthusiastic about our conversation this evening, even told me she'd switched on notifications for the app.
Was she playing hard to get only to finally understand the situation is rather different from that of her late 20s?
16th Jan 2023
Halfway through the first month already. Time flies. It will feel the same when I graduate.
Jack Ryan on Amazon seems like a pretty good show, seen three episodes so far.
17th Jan 2023
Finished a season of Jack Ryan. Pretty short with just eight episodes but actually good.
Matched with a woman a decade younger and her enthusiasm blew my mind!
It's insane, we agreed upon a date this weekend within 15mins, albeit a really short one since we both have other appointments.
So... just like last year, I have two dates close to one another again, though this time, the feeling is different. It's been so long I'd forgotten what it was like to chat with a match with much less caution. How nice! This is going to suck if it doesn't work with her though, because of what she has reminded me of.
My Watson's vitamin C effervescent tablets might be spoilt. I had diarrhoea last night and the night before, after taking one with dinner each time, and when I deliberately stopped that tonight, my stomach feels fine as of 21:47.
What the heck? Watson's house brand is terrible! The last time it was glucosamine that was bad in two bottles and I gave away the rest with a disclaimer, so now with this I am not buying their products anymore.
21st Jan 2023
Finally set a date yesterday with the Chinese teacher. Meeting up with the younger match today, maybe. It depends on whether she can get up in time because her flight got delayed multiple times last night, and she has only a limited amount of time to meet in order to avoid suspicions in her mother who's travelling with her.
The other match who met up on Thursday... was a sad story. She was absolutely beautiful, but her mind's warped. She needed help, at the very least by going out more to meet more people, because she'd been traumatised and had trapped herself in her little bubble for so long, her opinions were mostly based on her own conjectures that came out of nowhere. I would have helped, but she wasn't willing to change, so after her beauty wore off, I sent her a parting message encouraging her to seek help.
I am not even exaggerating - what we're taught is that there are really only two conditions you have to meet to be considered as having a mental condition severe enough to require professional help which are the inability to maintain achieve your goals (in her case, to keep her job as a teacher) and maintain social relationships (she's been losing friends, most recently her best friend).
As for today's date, I have some hesitation, but after yesterday's short videocall she requested, she seemed better than expected. We shall see. Yes she's also hot.
26th Jan 2023
That girl has little to offer aside from her body, as far as I am concerned. She might have personality but we don't really click. I'm letting out chat die.
Had a post-academic-term group discussion with our class mentor and seems like we will be changing again next semester due to envy from the other groups.
Fortunately I believe they're all better people than they used to be in the first semester, so it should go well.
She did ask one question that stuck with me: "What role do you play in this group?"
I interpret that to mean how I contribute to this group, and realised I don't do anything that stands out. Sure nobody can say I slack off (though the group knows I did in the first half of the semester and then did more in the second half) but there's nothing unique to talk about.
Current theory about my back issue - I need to train it consistently, this is happening because I've been letting go. More deadlifts, and back bridges. Tomorrow.
Mentor also noticed I'd been finishing my tests way ahead of the time limit, because for this first exam we've had so far (and the only one for this semester) on the 25th, she was sitting diagonally behind me, so she could also see my screen, in addition to my back and whatever is recorded in the system.
Although I always submit maybe 5-15mins ahead, this was literally the first time she could have a good look at my screen, which makes it no coincidence that she finally commented that she noticed I submitted my paper early, because if the recorded timing is all she sees this would have been my norm.
She definitely observed my screen, because the truth is that... I tend to finish the tests around the halfway mark, or half the time we're given. What I do is that I stare at the screen until about 5-10mins before time runs out, and submit it with everyone else. For the first paper containing 60 MCQs to be finished in an hour, I took about 35mins, while for second paper of that exam, the short answer question paper, I took about 45mins out of the hour given, which honestly isn't that amazing. This in no way means I'm some sort of genius acing every subject, it just means I read and type faster than everyone else. Like I told her in response to her remark, finishing the papers quickly is not necessarily a good thing. The reality is that most of these tests are have little to figure out - there's little to think about, so if you know, you know; staring at it longer won't make you know more. So after finishing the tests, there's little reason to read through everything and have second thoughts about my answers.
TBH I am quite confused about what people are thinking of me, because while some seem to think I'm really smart, nobody really wants me to be the class leader. I mean I don't want to be the class leader, but at the same time, I guess it does hurt my ego slightly. My best guess is they know I am lazy.
My client wants me to keep my business going. Considering restarting on a much smaller scale, but need staff, likely from my circles. The old ones I used to hire, they're old, if I hire one, I need the other for them to keep an eye on each other in case of accidents. Moreover, don't feel I need someone to be in the office daily this time.
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