My first prepared speech at the Toastmasters Club was almost a disaster. It was definitely a wise choice to choose a topic I'm very familiar with: the epic fantasy genre.
I didn't prepare my speech until the morning of that day, and spent most of my time fantasizing about how I will deliver it. No rehearsal, no editing, no preparation but the (draft) script.
The first thing I realized about the speech when it was finally my turn was that I didn't remember much of what I wrote down. I could remember that my speech was to start with Tolkien, followed by Robert Jordan, and ending with George R.R. Martin.
It was truly stage-fright at work. I didn't know what I was talking about at a conscious level. All I can remember about the speech was that I had to walk to the left and right, and to my script that I had placed on the lectern, pretending to read it when I was panicking too much to read anything. Everything I did then was decided at a subconscious level. My conscious mind was desperately searching my memories for materials to use. I can remember the encouraging looks they gave me, but I didn't acknowledge any. By walking around and pretending to read, I gave myself time to remember, though it wasn't perfect. It was only when my evaluator gave his speech that I realized at one point, I had looked at him when I stop at a certain part, then turn around and walked towards my script. I don't remember that part.
And worse, I had only used my right arm to gesture, making my left arm look crippled. I'm sure there were many parts where I paused in the middle of my words, because I distinctly remember that there were times when I had spoken the words before realizing they were not phrased in the way I wanted. They were probably thinking I was trying to remember my script.
And for all my pride I have in my grammar, I made the major mistake of speaking in present tense when I described the stories. Ouch.
The good thing was, I looked at the audience in the eye, even though it was something done unconsciously. I can never do that consciously, not without significant effort.
The best thing was, I looked relaxed as I spoke, even though I was panicking throughout. Amazing. Amazing because my hands were very cold and close to trembling. That I even used hand gestures during the speech was unexpected except in my fantasies.
When I finished the speech(I finished with a "thank you" instead of a summary/conclusion), I went back to my seat, and was surprised when my evaluator congratulated me for speaking well, and being relaxed during the whole speech. I didn't believe him, until the VP(Education) wrote me a slip giving his evaluation, which included describing me as being confident.
Hah! Confident my ass!
But then, that was only the first speech. I wasn't the one of the best speakers of that day, but I was definitely better than half of them. The 2 best speakers that night were so smooth I'd have thought they have been doing this often. The 3rd year accountancy student probably had... The other guy was in some drama society before too...
I sang in choirs before, but in all the performances I was never alone on stage!
And to the language evaluator: screw you! "Year" is pronounced as "y-eer" not "eer"! And "Tolkien" is pronounced as "toll-keen" not "toll-ki-en"! I'm accepting only the criticism on my erroneous usage of present tense in speech!
And screw the Potter series. All of them probably thought I was going to talk about Harry in the speech!
Wow! There went the week-long break! I haven't done a thing, yet I'm blogging now. What the hell...
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