Rant 1282 / Things Are Incredible Now!

11th May 2024

It really has been a while... again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

08 Oct 2024

2nd post of the year in 2024. Oh wow I have been neglecting this blog.

Attending a course on palliative care here in the cancer center now. A rather important topic in oncology.

09th Oct 2024

Plenty of time to type over here at the reprocessing room in the inpatient endoscopy clinic.

 

So reread my last post and realized I should mention that I'm now a licensed registered nurse, under probation.

Things are amazing here, absolutely a paradise compared to my final clinical/internship - everyone is helpful and friendly, the environment is so comfortable and clean, the management believes in taking proper holidays with our annual leave days instead of using them one at a time, the entire building is new including the gym. What's not to like about this place?

Moreover, endoscopy nursing is easier to learn and involves minimal interaction with conscious patients while simultaneously being a very direct way of helping patients as a diagnostic tool - in fact it is the gold standard for diagnosing cancer. I really like it because as the scrub nurse, I am the one who snips and catches the polyps for the doctor or, on rare occasions, feel the hardness of the polyps for him/her in order to have a better understanding of the condition.

The unit isn't opened yet, so I'm attached to the ones at the main hospital for a few months. The work is actually pretty simple, and is really like a simplified operating theatre. Saw a lot there that made me appreciate why we have been recommended to do certain things.

First, we should not hold our shit inside when we feel the urge to pass motion because it leads to the development of little pouches in the colon known as diverticula. These diverticula can trap faeces regardless of what your body does, and the shit clogs can eventually lead to the prosperity and longevity of bacteria, ie infection in the diverticula aka diverticulitis.

Second, if someone is within the recommended age range for regular endoscopy, that person should go get it done. Early stage cancers are always much much more survivable than late, and early stage gastric and colon cancers tend to have no symptom. Do these scopes and find them while it's still easy to treat.

Third, alcohol and drugs make a person more desensitized to sedation drugs so it is good to avoid them. I have seen petite people who drink regularly end up totally awake during their scopes, whereas big Muslim men who have never touched a drop of alcohol get completely knocked out with minimal amount of sedation. If you drink often or indulge in binge drinking, I am sorry.

As a side note, feels a bit bad for my PRCP preceptor and instructor for all their efforts and frustrations that have now gone to waste since 90% of the stuff they do in the wards aren't relevant to me. Heck, not even the wearing of name tag matters over here.

New rings soon. Already have my eyes on some. Wedding could be next year. Already considering where we can afford to go for our honeymoon. She isn't asking for much, merely mentioned she would like the castle I've stayed at, but that's too easy. I could include a week there and another week somewhere in Switzerland. Won't even have to consider a luxury cruise, as much as I may miss it.

Two main concerns in this area:

1) Finances are down to the skeleton as my business is no longer running in any meaningful way. Income from there are barely trickling in. Kids will be require sacrifices.

2) Children will have higher risks of health issues due to our ages. Many implications including emotional and financial tolls.

Was a pretend patient for an ECG class and then my result got interpreted by my girlfriend's instructor at the cardiac ward.... so it turns out I may be having a mild left sided enlargement. Not a major concern, but it is something to watch out for in future health screenings. Signed up for a staff health screening later this month, paid extra for the cardiac profiling, will see how it goes.

A more serious concern would be my obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) which my gf has observed frequently. Will mention it on the next visit to the GP. See, they are coming, as expected in my early 30s.

Have seen what a continuous stream of oxygen through nasal prongs can do for someone with OSA sleeping during the recovery period after the endoscopy session - oxygen level drops to under 80% and they wake up, so ie not much. Wonder what magic the CPAP can do.

Where should I migrate to, if at all?

Rant 1281 / Passing The Course Is Not Guaranteed Anymore

16th Oct 2023

Definitely late, but got to re-setup everything by end of academic semester.

So far so good, academically mostly Bs to Cs, won't be getting into a university anytime soon. Probably.

So far so good, building ground rules as we go, but I try to take into account her considerations and needs and inclinations more than in my past relationships. Got to be mindful about that, it's something I have to consciously do. She does it too, for the most parts, which is why we're still together.

My rimless glasses were impressive. Hangs on a lot better than expected. Totally worth the S$139.

19th Nov 2023

Sometimes I wonder what Sichuan cuisine used to be like before the Portuguese brought chilli back from the New World.

21st Nov 2023

Wow... first, they no longer had my info in their system when I emailed the Citi Prestige Concierge regarding a new hotel booking after all these years, then the Digital Concierge in the Citi app turned out to be impossible to navigate due to server issues, and today, the phone Concierge told me Suites are not accepted for the Complimentary 4th Night benefit on top of the new conditions like no membership perks, no lounge access, etc.

No wonder nobody talks about Citi Prestige anymore - they've effectively neutered the strongest selling point of the card! What's the point of it anymore? The people who book regular hotel rooms for such long stays can't afford the card, and those who can afford the card don't care about saving the amount of money you get from one night out of four in a regular room. Only good use for it now is four nights in luxury hotels... which I rarely go for.

1. This benefit cannot be combined or used in conjunction with
   • Any other promotions or discounts, including the use of corporate code discounts.
   • Any other offers, discounts, promotion, etc. given by the hotel/property of choice
    
   
2. The following stays will not qualify for this benefit:
   • Full and Half board room stays
   • Single and multi-room suites
   • Home & Farm Stays
   • Serviced apartments
   • Villas
   • Packaged stay and member rates, such as air and hotel, hotel and car rental, hotel and meals bundled promotions

Well fk me. Not even villas and serviced apartments, nor half/full-board stays which also covers the castle I stayed at back then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

23rd Feb 2024

 

Starting to feel it in this final ten-week attachment/internship. Starting to feel the dismay upon waking up. It doesn't keep me from sleeping, but I just dreamt of safer times this morning. The feeling of not wanting to leave the house is there now.

And it's just two cases in this medical oncology ward so far! That's nothing compared to the twelve that a typical staff nurse handles! But what is really holding me back is the absence of attention to details, something nurses NEED but bosses generally don't (can easily be outsourced to staff). The vast change in my evaluation of priorities trips me up too often, which leads me to getting penalised because of the smallest things like not putting on my name tag and signing out. This is stupid but the trend is there, moreover as nurses, the little things matter as much as the big things.

Then there's also my absent-mindedness, a challenge that's always been there since my earliest memories. While it used to be that notes would help in school, and then someone to act as my PA at work, notes are challenging in this fast-paced environment with infection control measures while nurses don't get PAs - nurses are the PAs when there is a need for one.

 

As Dr Rai always used to reply when I discuss my challenges, what can I do about it?

Makes me rethink my suitability for this career, but it is probably a teething issue. Will have to be... monitored.

Rant 1280 / Who Needs Kdrama When You Can Just Go To School?

 28th Jun 2023

Back when I was younger, when I didn't know any better, it used to be so clear where the best places are to move to in the future. Now that I've been to those parts of the world, everything has its pros and cons and it all boils down to what a potential immigrant is really looking for.

31st Jul 2023

So far so good.

She dropped my fountain pen, the Pilot Kakuno that a Reddit Secret Santa gifted me that I didn't really like. Felt rough no matter how I positioned the pen while writing. Anyway the nib was badly bent, probably landed on it, so threw it away and started shopping for a new one. Initally looked at Pilot and Parker, then Waterman and Mont Blanc, before finally going with a Diplomat. Found out that Diplomat was having a few Aeros on sale so decided to get the blue-silver one with a steel medium nib for just 104.71EUR (roughly S$150) with free shipping, an absolute steal compared to most of the other models and the Diplomat fountain pens available in Singapore.

Then realised they're currently on their summer holidays, with the office closed on the 29th and reopening in mid-August. Oh well...

08th Aug 2023

Ok it's been a while... again.

 

Been five months, met her parents on a few casual occasions, and finally had a full family meal with them today. Rare because she usually doesn't attend these occasions. Went well, probably.

 

The Diplomat pen was absolutely amazing, with perfect weight in my hand and writes so smoothly no matter the angle. It is incredible value, and it's just sad that the brand is practically unheard of in Singapore. S$130 for a pen like this! Ok, that was clearance price (50% off) with free shipping but really, it's unbelievable.

Went to KL and Ipoh too, during this break. Couldn't find the better horfun in Ipoh, but got to try this amazing kosong heong peang there. It's not literally kosong though, as there was a thin layer of maltose coating the air cavity inside.

Fourth semester tomorrow. Only three modules including the FYP. Nervous. A lot of drama too over the last few days regarding the project groups. Who needs Kdrama when you can just go to school?

Rant 1279 / More Proteins In My Diet Again!

30th Mar 2023

Just got back from Penang. Next time, I know I can bring some incense. Still won't being bringing joss paper though.

Saw dried flowers at the grave of my great-aunt too. Someone visited, maybe a week ago.

02nd April 2023

So after all these decades, I finally learn that the tiny brown wingless bugs up to 1mm big that appear frequently on my walls, sometimes in my books, in my bed, and even in food containers... are booklice. Not bed bugs, not dust mites, but booklice.

Booklice are harmless, they are named due to their love for the glue in book bindings, but their preference for starch has gone beyond that paste in today's world. In fact, they're also a common pest in the agriculture sector as they like to feed on starchy grains like various types of cereal. 

My guess is my books are all infested by them. Not a problem at all, but their presence, to me, should also indicate the presence of dust mites, since both are present in my bed when it's not cleaned often.

Also, no wonder stuff in my store room don't get attacked by them - humidity under 50% keeps them away, and I keep the room at 60% at most though usually at 40+.

04th April 2023

Finally went into the casino in MBS, with a modest budget of just S$1000.

Lost about $900 at $25 Texas over the afternoon, realised you need a lot more money to begin with to enjoy, since the bonus is probably where it's at, whereas the ante, flop, turn and river are all merely for surviving another round. S$2-3k would be a more reasonable budget for spending half a day or the entire day at Texas, so that I can bet about $100 on the bonus, while the rest of the game costs $5 on the jackpot (for anything full house and above on the flop), $25 on the ante (to receive your two-card hand), $50 on the flop (first three cards), $25 on the turn (4th card) and another $25 on the river (5th card). For most games, I'd bet till the flop, sometimes I'd fold there, sometimes I'd bet on the rest, so that's generally $(5+25+50=80) per game without the bonus, or $180 with, hence $1000 would be too little for it.

For my budget, the S$2.50 roulette was more fun, more chill. By betting just one number each round, I could last VERY long with the remaining S$125. Never made sense to me to bet multiple numbers since they'd be eating into each other given that only a single number wins each round. Once my chips exceeded $250 after a while, decided to add in the S$150 levy into my expenditure, so my gambling budget was reduced to $850, and I left with $170, ie spent $830 yesterday total on a day of excitement.

Strangely, I don't find it as exciting as it used to be when I first tried these games at Genting. Nothing to do with the venue, it's probably just me.

In any case, even though it often feels like you should play every round no matter the cards in your hand, folding in Texas seems to make sense overall when you have no picture cards and nothing consecutive and suited. It was roughly 40% of these occasions when I could have won if I hadn't folded, so odds were indeed against me when my cards were bad.

06th Apr 2023

Just when I have the mood to visit the framer, the old postcards from France vanished! They were postcards written by random people before either WW1 or WW2, just mundane stuff, but their age made them quite intriguing to me, therefore not only were the pictures printed on one side important, but so were the words written on the back, which means only a custom framer could help.

Except I can only find the few from Canada, including one sent from "Walbrook, Kings County, NS" in 1908 (WW1 began in 1914). Wonder where the French ones went, because they were spotted in recent years and I thought to leave them in a unique spot where they wouldn't mix with other things.

Guess it was too unique and now it's not somewhere I'd think to look.

Speaking of the WWs, recently learnt that steel from before them are actually valuable because they're used in the most sensitive Geiger counters, due to the fact that the nuclear tests around that period had left trace amounts of radiation in the atmosphere (also a useful fact in the wine industry), so steel that has not been exposed to our air today can be closer to perfect zero than anything we can produce today, ie steel salvaged from ships sunk in WW1 and WW2. Apparently people mostly do it illegally because it's about destroying artefacts with historical value.

11th Apr 2023

Random thought: if our country has been planned so far ahead, and most things are really within expected limits today except for our MRT and maybe real estate markets, is our healthcare system really also one of those exceptions?

Was considering how the world would be like if hospitals do not have an issue with capacity, polyclinics always have slots for walk-ins, and A&E queues are always short, and felt that the classic line of thought that it's beneficial for the healthcare system if we remain unhealthy indefinitely might actually work for that ideal world.

Maybe this is completely crazy, but what if we are intentionally toeing the line between being filled to the brim and actual overcapacity so as to avoid the desire to keep people unhealthy for profits?

23rd Apr 2023

Wanted to write down something that happened for the first time while taking a piss last night, but was so tired I've now completely forgotten what it was.

Probably the date. Finally went on one with my course mate whom I suspected was interested in me. Didn't have enough sleep even on Thursday, and on Friday there was the Basic Cardiac Life Support (and AED) course which was definitely a full upper body in its own right, so sleeping from a little before half past eight to half past three that night was probably insufficient even though there was clearly seven hours.

 

Got a ride to pick her up and get to Macritchie by 6am to catch the (partial) sunrise. Then my hiking boots finally crocodiled (partially at the front on the left, from the front to the arch on the right) so much it had to be repaired, so I tore off the right sole (just the outermost) and held it in my hands while we walked back and went to my place so that I could put on another pair of shoes. 

In any case, the rest of the layers on the right are fine, but on the left, I count two layers that have begun to peel off, though both to a smaller degree than the one on the right boot. Since the grooves were still perfectly fine with even the heels still clearly defined, it only make sense to glue them back, and the plan now is to send them to a shoe repair shop and see if they can do a better job than me with my old leather shoes.

Also took a shower and offered her a towel and some water, before I gave her a brief tour of my place which was in a complete mess because I haven't had a guest in months and was not expecting her to be here. Didn't show her the bedrooms though. This is also the first time a girl comes over on a date and nothing sexual happened. All the souvenirs overwhelmed her just like it does for everyone, then went to the Star Vista for some coffee.

Then we spent the day at the Star Vista followed by Orchard Road where we shopped a little bit at Uniqlo, had dinner at this Gorogoro place that reminded me of the Mongolian bbq place in a day tour in Taiwan, but mostly sat down at various cafes and talked even though I was tired for most of the day. Wanted to see where it went and what would come up. Fortunately my efforts were rewarded because she was open about many things, including how she didn't feel good about some things that she'd done in the past, and I reassured her everything she'd confessed to was mild compared to my exes.

The conversations also included information on other classmates that fit with what others have told me, which turned suspicions into truths, though none of this will factor into my studies.

She was not experienced at dating for sure, because she didn't know how to insist on paying her share even though she tried to ask if half the bill at Gorogoro was a certain number that I've forgotten and which I ignored while looking for my card, and later she paid for my Uniqlo clearance sale tshirts. The two S$9.90 shirts were roughly what her share of the meal had cost and did not cover everything else, but the fact is that this is the first real date she's been on in probably five years or ten, and she still managed to cover a significant part of it.

Quite sweet too, insisted that I used a wet tissue from her to clean the boot sole a little and for my hands when I tore it off and held it for the rest of the walk.

Yeah, I'm trying to be more positive with the ladies I date now, ever since a close friend agreed that I rarely praise anything and anyone, and her partner asked me what I liked about this course mate. It might be why my previous relationships were not successful - I might have focused too much on their bad points.

Anyway, called it a day at eight and sent her home in my ride before returning home, probably my first time doing it for someone who doesn't live between the pickup location and my home, resulting in a V-shaped route. Overall the date was still quite affordable, at:

(doing this probably because recently saw some people discuss the cost of dates, and because it seems fun to do some calculations for myself)

- $20 for the first ride to pick her up and to Macritchie

- $11 to my place for a change of footwear (and etc)

- $12+14 for the coffee/tea and another $8 for my pastries

- $9 for her water and chocolate which she paid for 

- $1+1=2 MRT fare for the both of us which we both paid

- $10 for a book

- $6 for a tube of shoe glue

- $8 for a drink at Starbucks for somewhere to sit

- $7 for a drink at Haakon for a place to sit

- $49 for our steamboat

- $20 for my shirts and $30 for her stuff at Uniqlo which she paid for

- $21 for the way back

So in summary, the date cost $227 in total, $60 from her perspective, $167 from my wallet's perspective, well within my expectations.

Also, could tell she really wanted to spend as much time with me as possible, likely because she has been alone for a while. Regardless, she was very sweet and accommodating throughout.

29th May 2023

Still dating her. Been over a month now, and it's starting to calm down a bit as we get into something of a routine. Most of our dates are at my place since we both like to stay in, and her mostly vegan diet makes it a challenge to eat out. Regardless, it is working out quite well for the both of us, as far as I can tell, although she's beginning to want to go out now, recently mentioned something about a museum.

I could visit a gallery myself, could do with another piece of art.

She's also the first one since my almost-marriage whom I sent home even when the date is at my place. Didn't book a car for her, no we took the MRT to her place. A first for me. She spotted her mother working at the supermarket when we visited for some chocolate, but her mother was busy and we were too shy to call out to her.

05th Jun 2023

My body aches. My biceps ache, my triceps ache, my shoulders ache, my lats ache, my hamstrings ache, my quads ache... but I am alive.

But damn have I aged over the last few years! Just restarted Body Beast last weekend and just with Legs and Back+Biceps a rest day was immediaately required. Two days! Two! Not to mention I was using baby weights, like 2.2kg dumbbells, up to 5kg max per side. This was below what I used in my last cycle, and it wasn't this bad back then. Then again, I hadn't done Body Beast for a very long time, as compared to my last attempt, so this makes sense. This feels similar to when I first tried this workout routine, but not as bad. Also, more caution this time.

Still, the inability to sleep on the second night was proof that I had overtrained within two days, and it was so bad that on the fourth day, ie today, my cold sore returned.

I have indeed aged.

06th Jun 2023

Biceps still ache. Straightening my arms after having them bent at the elbows for a while is still painful.

Also, passed my tests on IM/SC injections and IV last week, and will be looking at male urinary catheterization in the coming weeks. All the fun stuff.

And my cold sore is back since yesterday. This time it returned fast!

Spent quite a bit today because I'd been looking for a dehumidifier for my book shelf, and my TV just died. Didn't want to get it repaired only for it to die again in a year, so went to look into TVs. Ultimately, this one has served for over a decade, maybe even a decade and a half, so it's time for a change.

 

Looked into TVs of the same size but for LG and Philips because these brands are still pretty good, and it turns out LG TVs are affordable - the UHD ones, that is. The OLED range is insanely expensive to me. Second hand TVs are only a hundred or two less than the promo prices, so decided not to get those. The LG UHD TVs come in 43", 50", 55" and the 65", so I was torn between the last three. Going for the same size as what I currently have was about S$800 on a normal day, and I could save S$100 by downgrading 5". On the other hand, if I were willing to fork out another S$100 during a regular sale instead, the 65" fits my home too.

 

Today, managed to get the 65" at effectively S$810, a price that immediately stopped the debate in my head. Also got a Philips dehumifier at S$529, which is nice. 

Coke Zero isn't cheap these days though, even with the shrinkflation, at just above 60cents per 320ml can. I thought they used to be about 30-40cents each last year.

Rant 1278 / Adventures Can Be Had Without Leaving The Country

28th Jan 2023

A rough plan and pitch is coming up.

Played some Tyranny over the last few months. The initial portion didn't feel promising, expected it to be the theme of this game, but turns out the time limit does go away eventually, which I very much prefer.

Now it gets interesting.

Combat is simple. The real selling point is the decisions, which I keep worrying would make me feel bad later on. It's happened in a few games before, where seemingly good choices led to bad consequences for the parties involved. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions indeed.

Now that I've only got a week to play it, there isn't much time remaining!

29th Jan 2023

0828 - meeting her later. Time to clear things up a little, since I've been having trouble interpreting her behaviour in a consistent manner.

The rough plan needs to be smoothened, the details looked into and clarified.

31st Jan 2023

Found out the night before that my ear canals are relatively small which means my ear plugs need to be the smaller ones, like HoneyWell Bilsom 303S, the 3M Yellow Neons, or the Radians Evader. Can sleep with them on, so next sale, going to get a box or two.

Went for my third Hep B jab last Thursday and then my fourth covid vaccine this morning. So far so good.

Anyway she really is the quiet type, but fortunately it went quite well. Seems like a nice person, though with minimal initiative. Maybe shy, maybe doesn't meet new people often. Need a few more dates to understand her better.

Also the slimmest woman I've ever dated, and almost my height too, making her very unusual as far as my love life is concerned.

03rd Feb 2023

So matcha is nice but it doesn't make me visit the bathroom in the morning, which is pretty important given that when there is school or work, I get up two hours before leaving home for that. Not enough caffeine. Also, less bitter than I remembered, maybe it's because I accidentally added 78ml of water instead of 60ml, or maybe this brand is just less bitter. Will find out later when I try it again.

So the Therapeutic Arch Support from 3M's Futuro works for me somehow. I've been getting an ache at the front of my left arch that worsens when I rest my weight on it, and this has been going on occasionally for years, except now I have to stand for half a day during my clinicals. Last clinical, it wasn't around till the final week when I started working out my calves with one-legged calf raises that places a lot of stress on each foot, but it gradually got worsen over the week till the end of my clinical. The upcoming clinical, it's already around now, the week before it begins, so something had to be done, which gives me such relief when this worked so far over the last few days, albeit tested for hours on bare foot only.

It feels so soft, I didn't expect it to work, but it did, and if necessary, it has a harder piece to swap with the initial support piece inside. The idea is to get used to wearing this using the softer one, then move on to the harder one, but so far it feels like I can take to the softer one easily and probably won't need the change unless it breaks or softens further.

Anyways, thought this was flat foot, but so far, the pain is only at the front of the arch closer to the ball of my foot whereas flat feet involve an ache at the back near the heels. Will mention this to the doctor if I ever need to visit him again for whatever reason.

06th Feb 2023

First day at IMH, didn't do anything, the entire day was for orientation. Apparently the ward I'm assigned to is for the Early Psychosis Intervention Programme, so my patients are young adults with mild psychosis.

There are so many subtypes of psychiatric wards, it's another eye-opener.

Eyewear has certainly gotten significantly more expensive since my last visit to the optimetrist four years ago. Back then, Zeiss lenses and cheap frames only came up to S$400+ IIRC, but now the same Zeiss lenses cost $400+ already, so with my cheap at about S$100+, they added up to S$600+. Was actually considering some Lindberg frames with engraved rims like a painted ridge around the lenses, but those were over S$1000, far beyond what I'm willing to spend.

17th Feb 2023

Last today of my attachment to IMH. It's afternoon shift today, so there's time for this in the morning. I like how during attachments there is no work to be brought home, but shopping online becomes a challenge as my time becomes limited and inflexible. For example, I want to support a local company selling rejected/excess fresh produce, but they can only offer delivery time slots that are at least four hours long, and I cannot guarantee that I can be home for such long stretches, even on Saturdays since it's more important to go on dates with her. Meanwhile, even though Fairprice offers 2-hour slots, they run out like 3-4 days ahead, so if I am looking at Saturday morning slots, the cart needs to be checked out on Wednesday or even Tuesday.

Not even going to consider frozen food wholesalers who can only offer whole-day slots. This is how people undervalue their time - being flexible with time can help you save so much money.

The issue is not with my freezer though, since it's packed to the brim just prior to this attachment; the challenge is with fresh produce, or fresh fruits to be specific. I have been eating mostly fruits and meal deliveries this fortnight, so the former run out within half a week, and it has become necessary to visit the market for their rather expensive options. The idea of ordering only fruits has also crossed my mind, but it's yet another challenge to hit the minimum spend for free delivery with such an order without exceeding the maximum capacity of my fridge, or choosing unreasonably expensive fruits like cherries.

So a lot of my patients are young adults who got too stressed out over their studies or even loss of a job due to being unable to meet the expectations of their parents or their own expectations that were derived from their parents', leading to hallucinations and suicide. A lot of self-centredness too. 

Saw first-hand how different psychiatric nursing is. Focus on hygiene is there, but minimal. Patient interaction is also minimal. 95% of the energy spent by nurses seems to be on observation and recording anything even slightly out of the ordinary. Raised voices between two patients, even if only one of them did it, goes into the routine report. Discreet hand-holding also gets into the report. Mumbling to herself? Report. Tremors? Report. Drinking a lot of water? Report. Patient takes a bit of coaxing to take her medication? Report. It's incredible how much gets into the very succinct reports for every single patient for every shift, and I can understand how all these little details help their doctors make better judgements.

18th Feb 2023

Second date since we matched last year. Let's see how it goes. For some reason, aside from her, I've been on a dry spell recently. 

Got to prepare for Monday's attachment. Paediatrics this time.

21st Feb 2023

First time carrying a baby. His parents were touring the ICU with the MSW in preparation for his heart surgery tomorrow, and he woke up during their absence. We student nurses distracted him for a while but eventually he started crying. Checked his diaper, but it was clean. Unlikely to be hungry so soon either. Hence at this point, we decided to try to carry him to his feet, and that stopped his crying for a while, resuming only after a few minutes. We figured out he prefered that his feet didn't touch the bed, so that meant he wanted to be carried. Carrying him stopped his crying instantly, and letting his feet touch the bed made him resume it just as quickly.

So we carried him for probably half an hour till another nurse brought a pram.

26th Feb 2023

Just like in the medical wards and the psychiatric wards, there are patients in the paediatric wards who can be discharged but have nowhere to go beyond that point and are hence stuck in the hospital.

While medical wards tend to have elderly patients who are waiting for months for a place in the nursing homes, in the psychiatric wards and paediatric wards, these patients are abandoned by their previous caregivers and there isn't a place in our system for them since their conditions are technically stable enough to go out and live their lives, but require frequent attention from someone with some level of medical training, eg a toddler with intestinal issues who must be fed liquid directly through a tube attached to his intestine past the problematic point(s) and regularly vomits stomach acid since it isn't used and can't drain into the intestines. A physically able adult caregiver could be trained by us (or even me) to handle the automatic pump for feeding, and to regularly extract his stomach acid through his nasogastric tube. However, he has no such caregiver and the facilities provided by our system cannot give him one as well.

I wonder how he will go to school in the future, since education is compulsory. Without a foundation in kindergarten, he won't fare well in primary school, not to mention all the psychological issues he must have by now from the years of living in the ward cared for only by an ever-rotating roster of nurses.

07th Mar 2023

Didn't know my blog actually has real readers. Hi!

12th Mar 2023

Was having our monthly dinner with some friends when the topic of Qing Ming came up, and realised it's at the beginning of the coming month. Totally forgot about it!

Initially expected AirAsia to be the cheapest but Scoot turned out to be even cheaper with far better departure times. Interesting.

Looked around for a while for hotels but the reviews are mostly crap for anything under S$50/night, but then remembered Airbnb, so... it got a lot easier. Managed to find a studio apartment run by some guys who are probably doing it as a side job given the multiple listings and the great reviews, and it was only S$44/night after adding the cleaning fee. Location was... familiar, and after further digging, realised I'd stayed there before, though might not have been the same host.

 

So total for flight and accomodation for this 2N stay is just S$177, hence my budget estimate for this trip is under S$300 total. 

I don't think I'll even get insurance and bring my laptop. With the TV in the apartment, I probably don't need anything beyond my phone.

22nd Mar 2023

Finished Tyranny finally, after all these months. It was a pretty decent game, but the second and third acts, and the ending, they all felt incomplete. They hinted at many things about Kyros, but left them hanging, like whether Kyros was male or female, and then there was the memory of a girl who also touched the resonator. Also, why did they leave Kyros's intent so unclear, like I could interpret her intention as good when everything pretty much pointed the other way, sealing the deal with her personal instructions to the Archon of Shadows to kill me. If she hadn't done that last bit, there would have been plenty of room for interpretation on her past Edicts and orders, lots of ambiguity for what her intentions were. But the fact that she wanted me killed made all her past instructions to be negative. The Edict that began all these, the one I resolved, therefore had been meant to kill both Archons and myself and simultaneously put the blame on our collective incompetence, rather than to motivate everyone to work together and win. The order to have only one Archon to rule the Tiers was not meant to cull the number of warlords now that the entire continent has been conquered, but instead to make sure I die given that I'm the new Archon with little experience as compared to the other three Archons who've been around for centuries.

The Overlord could have been interpreted as a harsh but fair dictator, but with that assassination, there is little doubt she was just a terrible person driven by fear.

Also, I wish I didn't have to kill the Graven Ashe and wipe out his army. Nerat could also have been more fleshed out rather than being portrayed as a bloodthirsty madman. It was clear that initially, both Archons were meant to be different shades of grey, with both good and bad sides, but later on in the game, they were simply order and chaos respectively.

My tray broke the other evening while carrying dinner, breaking another two bowls in the process, with only the largest bowl miraculously surviving. Totally forgot about the small crack spotted months ago. Never going to use a bamboo tray again. Now looking for a metal tray, because I'd rather deal with corrosion than breaking more stuff. Even wood can mould, so what's tarnish compared to that? At least corrosion can be removed by acid, but mould might seep deep into the wood and become extremely challenging to remove.

Ordered a bedsheet set from Robinsons the other day, and now I realise why these things can cost so much. It really is worth the money, especially with the duvet cover (which I filled with a summer blanket).

 

It also came with a cheaper bedsheet set  meant for summer, will try in the future.

27th Mar 2023

Came back from a 2D1N trip to Genting over the weekend. At least now I know for sure Genting isn't worth it anymore.

Maybe Resorts World is trying to recoup their losses from Covid, or maybe they're trying to rake in as much revenue as possible from the new influx of Chinese tourists, but the minimum bets were pretty ridiculous. Roulette used to be 10 ringgits minimum, texas hold'em 25 (so if betting on all four turns, that's a minimum of 125 ringgits excluding bonus, 150rm with bonus), and now roulette is 50rm minimum, texas 100 (bonus still 25, so total 525rm minimum).

Another comparison is with Marina Bay Sands where, during off-peak hours which is much more easily accessible for us, roulette is S$2.50 minimum.

So, not a single ringgit was spent in the casino during the visit, though watching my friends play was pretty exciting too. The most memorable moment was when the dealer had a royal flush, which made my friends and I leave the table. Fortunately one of my three friends was able to win some money with two straight flushes and a few full houses over the course of the night, so by the time she left she took home about S$1000, which was nice.

The jams were bad though, due to the long weekend at Johor, so the road back to Johor from KL took us seven hours, and even at 12am, the Malaysian checkpoint towards Woodlands took us another 2hours. Probably not worth the nice food at KL. Only got back at about 3am last night, and tomorrow there's a flight to Penang for Qing Ming already. My plants are really suffering, and the signs of overwatering are clear, but there's no other way to compensate for the lack of watering for 1-2 days. My chilis and eggplants are kinda sensitive to that. The manual drip was really a pain to use as it required serious calibration over time, and they look fugly.

It's ironic that I am reluctant to travel yet my passport is being used for all three weeks of my break.

Hesitant about all my possible dates now. I know a course mate has a crush on me and she's good-looking, but she's been dealing with her mental health for over a decade. The nurse a staff nurse at the polyclinic I was attached to earlier introduced to me is flying to Australia for a couple of years, so that's a long-distance at best. Got a match on Tinder who's responsive, but it's online dating again.

Getting a steel tray, and asking some friends who are about to visit Turkey to help me get a copper tray, since copper crafts are part of Turkish culture and history. Anyways, if they can't (since it's big), I'll order a pretty one from Etsy.

Rant 1277 / Could I Pull Off Something New?

05th Jan 2023

She just rejected my second invitation to go out for coffee, so after saying "haha ok I get the hint," I intend to give up on her, pending her reply which most likely will cement the end. So I was probably right, she was out of my league. Also have very different interests.

07th Jan 2023

She's giving some serious mixed signals. First she said we could meet after CNY, then stopped replying again for over a day. I'm giving her a bit of WOT telling her she seems amazing and that her apparent disinterest is due to having better matches, since presumably she is talking to multiple matches simultaneously like myself. This conversation is seriously challenging to prop up, and if it cannot be sustained till even the eve, then it's going to be awkward to just suddenly ask her out.

If keeping this conversation for another three weeks were within my ability, I wouldn't still be single. Her replies tend to be short, with minimal details, and do not ask for more details when I give equally short answers, which can be interpreted as disinterest. 

 

I'm probably being impatient and overthinking this, but tbh, this feels like a copy of the same situation with the Indian woman, where the actions and words don't match.

Anyway, another two matches today. Technically three but one unmatched just because I didn't reply within two hours of matching... due to an afternoon nap. The other two don't seem particularly promising, but that doesn't matter very much.

Beginning to think this back issue thing isn't wholly caused by my mattress but also partly due to sitting for too long.

Thought I was able to exercise today, but the moment I lifted the dumbbell, I felt something in my back. Let's not risk it...

Just finished The Outer Worlds. Kinda short, but it's so nice to play a first-person RPG of this quality and magnitude every once in a while.

Finally got around to trying the electric bass again, with a strap this time. I can say when it's higher, it seems easier to play than when it's resting on my lap. However, it's still a challenge to reach the highest string (E) with my pinkie and press down firmly with it, even on the 12th fret where it's rather close to my body.

Apparently that's normal and simply requires more scale practice. Like everything in life, it needs practice.

I'm still in the early part of the Valley of disappointment, so more training is needed to bring reach the intersection of the "What actually happens" curve and the "What you think should happen" line.

08th Jan 2023

Back's almost there now, 90% probably. No ache as I got out of bed, but still some when I sit with a leg crossed, or when I stand for a while.

The Chinese teacher replied with an apology for not checking her messages. I don't even know anymore. Of course will keep it going, but really not expecting much.

...

Wow she's really enthusiastic about our conversation this evening, even told me she'd switched on notifications for the app.

Was she playing hard to get only to finally understand the situation is rather different from that of her late 20s?

16th Jan 2023

Halfway through the first month already. Time flies. It will feel the same when I graduate.

Jack Ryan on Amazon seems like a pretty good show, seen three episodes so far.

17th Jan 2023

Finished a season of Jack Ryan. Pretty short with just eight episodes but actually good.

Matched with a woman a decade younger and her enthusiasm blew my mind!

It's insane, we agreed upon a date this weekend within 15mins, albeit a really short one since we both have other appointments.

So... just like last year, I have two dates close to one another again, though this time, the feeling is different. It's been so long I'd forgotten what it was like to chat with a match with much less caution. How nice! This is going to suck if it doesn't work with her though, because of what she has reminded me of.

My Watson's vitamin C effervescent tablets might be spoilt. I had diarrhoea last night and the night before, after taking one with dinner each time, and when I deliberately stopped that tonight, my stomach feels fine as of 21:47.

What the heck? Watson's house brand is terrible! The last time it was glucosamine that was bad in two bottles and I gave away the rest with a disclaimer, so now with this I am not buying their products anymore.

21st Jan 2023

Finally set a date yesterday with the Chinese teacher. Meeting up with the younger match today, maybe. It depends on whether she can get up in time because her flight got delayed multiple times last night, and she has only a limited amount of time to meet in order to avoid suspicions in her mother who's travelling with her.

The other match who met up on Thursday... was a sad story. She was absolutely beautiful, but her mind's warped. She needed help, at the very least by going out more to meet more people, because she'd been traumatised and had trapped herself in her little bubble for so long, her opinions were mostly based on her own conjectures that came out of nowhere. I would have helped, but she wasn't willing to change, so after her beauty wore off, I sent her a parting message encouraging her to seek help.

I am not even exaggerating - what we're taught is that there are really only two conditions you have to meet to be considered as having a mental condition severe enough to require professional help which are the inability to maintain achieve your goals (in her case, to keep her job as a teacher) and maintain social relationships (she's been losing friends, most recently her best friend).

As for today's date, I have some hesitation, but after yesterday's short videocall she requested, she seemed better than expected. We shall see. Yes she's also hot.

26th Jan 2023

That girl has little to offer aside from her body, as far as I am concerned. She might have personality but we don't really click. I'm letting out chat die.

Had a post-academic-term group discussion with our class mentor and seems like we will be changing again next semester due to envy from the other groups.

Fortunately I believe they're all better people than they used to be in the first semester, so it should go well.

She did ask one question that stuck with me: "What role do you play in this group?"

I interpret that to mean how I contribute to this group, and realised I don't do anything that stands out. Sure nobody can say I slack off (though the group knows I did in the first half of the semester and then did more in the second half) but there's nothing unique to talk about.

Current theory about my back issue - I need to train it consistently, this is happening because I've been letting go. More deadlifts, and back bridges. Tomorrow.

Mentor also noticed I'd been finishing my tests way ahead of the time limit, because for this first exam we've had so far (and the only one for this semester) on the 25th, she was sitting diagonally behind me, so she could also see my screen, in addition to my back and whatever is recorded in the system.

Although I always submit maybe 5-15mins ahead, this was literally the first time she could have a good look at my screen, which makes it no coincidence that she finally commented that she noticed I submitted my paper early, because if the recorded timing is all she sees this would have been my norm.

She definitely observed my screen, because the truth is that... I tend to finish the tests around the halfway mark, or half the time we're given. What I do is that I stare at the screen until about 5-10mins before time runs out, and submit it with everyone else. For the first paper containing 60 MCQs to be finished in an hour, I took about 35mins, while for second paper of that exam, the short answer question paper, I took about 45mins out of the hour given, which honestly isn't that amazing. This in no way means I'm some sort of genius acing every subject, it just means I read and type faster than everyone else. Like I told her in response to her remark, finishing the papers quickly is not necessarily a good thing. The reality is that most of these tests are have little to figure out - there's little to think about, so if you know, you know; staring at it longer won't make you know more. So after finishing the tests, there's little reason to read through everything and have second thoughts about my answers.

TBH I am quite confused about what people are thinking of me, because while some seem to think I'm really smart, nobody really wants me to be the class leader. I mean I don't want to be the class leader, but at the same time, I guess it does hurt my ego slightly. My best guess is they know I am lazy.

My client wants me to keep my business going. Considering restarting on a much smaller scale, but need staff, likely from my circles. The old ones I used to hire, they're old, if I hire one, I need the other for them to keep an eye on each other in case of accidents. Moreover, don't feel I need someone to be in the office daily this time.

Rant 1276 / And Then It Was 2023.

26th Dec 2022

So I've had an eye patch for a while, not sure if it has been mentioned before. Very rarely used for a few reasons, but decided I should really use them because my weaker eye may be turning lazy. Not sure if it's just me but it seems like one eye is moving less when I look in different directions, and it would be very much preferable to keep my eyes moving at the same rate at all times. So, using an eye patch to cover my stronger eye will reattune my brain to using this weaker eye, but while it's on, my depth perception is gone, and there have been at least one occasion when I accidentally touched something hot because of it, though fortunately nothing fragile has been knocked off somewhere high yet.

Thought one convo was stopped, but her last reply was to ask for my number. Interesting - thought she wasn't interested judging by her short replies and that she couldn't meet till months later. Still, not sure how this could be sustained. Chances are, I'll be meeting someone else earlier than that. 

 

 

 

 

31st Dec 2022

The Aeron is legit. Been feeling weird in my back lately, didn't flip my mattress topper regardless. Today, I had to brace my back when walking and turning, no idea if it is going to be safe to sit on the floor. Not a sprain yet, but close to one. Yet once I settle into the Aeron, all of it went away immediately. Yes, the chair is worth its price, whole-heartedly agree. Herman Miller has gained another fan now.

Six matches on CMB, but only the latest one might have any chance of a date in the foreseeable future. She prefers to chat more before meeting, so I asked a little too early.

But she seems amazing so hope this one works out.

Also a Chinese language teacher, though a local one this time. If we ever meet up, I could then say I have a strange affinity for Chinese language teachers.

Also, another like last night, though one chat is expiring later so it will still be six matches if I like her enough when her profile pops up at noon later.

02nd Jan 2023

Six chats and only one alive as of today, the Chinese teacher hasn't replied since before noon yesterday. The latter isn't a big issue, she might be busy in JB as she'd mentioned that earlier when I asked her out. In any case, somehow I feel lonely again today. I know I have friends to talk to, but I don't want to talk to them, and it would be nice if the reason could be discernable.

Back is feeling a little better today, might be back to normal tmr. Hopefully. I want to try sleeping on the topper directly on the bed frame, which effectively will make it a futon.

Part of the reason of my sprain might be that I've been sitting down more often. The other possible factor could be the fact that I really haven't been working out enough.

Ok, the Chinese teacher replied again, and seems to be more keen on talking now. Apparently she left on the eve and only just got back, so she was talking even in JB, which was sweet.

So I finally understand why buying insurance is not betting that you'll suffer whatever the policy covers.

First, we must understand what a gamble is. Before the bet is made, when you are holding on to your money, there is no risk. Once the bet is made, there is now a risk - the risk of losing it, in exchange for the chance to gain more.

So now on to insurance. Before you buy the policy, the risks are already there. The act of spending money on the bet does not change any of the odds of whatever the policy covers happening to you. Therefore, it is different from betting on your death because to bet on your death, you have to be immortal beforehand, and to add on, is there really a profit on your part? Maybe to the people around you, but you will never gain anything worthwhile from such a bet, making it a terrible gamble.

Instead, the insurer is the real gambler, because before you buy the policy, the insurer has no risk of losing money (since the only change that the insurance would affect as far as the insurer is concerned is monetary), but when you buy the policy, suddenly the insurer has a risk - the risk of you making a claim before the company earns enough money from your premiums to pay you. So in effect, when you buy a policy, the insurer is betting that the company will make enough profit from your premiums before you file a claim, and the house/dealer is the world. 

 

You're just the scenario, the game of blackjack, the roll of dice. You're paying money to become the rolling dice.

And there is indeed a consistent winner in this gamble - the funeral parlour.

03rd Jan 2023

Today marks an end to my business - the final eleven cartons are about to be sent out. This will also be the last time I engage my transporter guy for work. Of course it feels a little sad.

04th Jan 2023

So my mattress is definitely sunken in the centre, and no flipping will help. I am tempted to really try the idea of placing the topper on a hard surface like the bed frame, but there's a big test tomorrow and I need sleep.

On the other hand, it might suck to sleep on the mattress too.

My back still hurts a bit today, and rolling around, I can feel it's easier to roll into the centre than it is to roll to the edges of the mattress. Perhaps it is time to consider the futon style of sleeping.

Feels a bit bad for my transporter. The cataract in one of his eyes is quite obvious, his eyesight isn't great, his driving can't be very safe. Business is unpredictable according to him, and it is hard for him to move on to other things because his kids are still in school, making it a major challenge to take any serious risk to his income. But he must move away from his current line asap because of his eye and his bad back.

Wonder what he can do.

05th Jan 2023

Removed my topper instead, and went back to sleeping directly on my hard mattress, and so my back recovered much faster over last night. Feels almost normal now, as compared to the minor recovery over the night before. Will restart my workout this weekend, but carefully.

The conversation with the Chinese teacher is going great, and rather than asking her out this weekend, I've opted to bring the convo out of CMB first. Seems like quite an adorable person, reserved, absolutely beautiful, in the not-so-distant past she'd have been considered out of my league. I guess my confidence has grown.

Still trying to get her to talk and open up. Clearly she's keen on keeping the conversation going because I threw her a few simple observational statement replies and she responded regardless, but most of what she says tends to be short. Question here is whether I haven't found the areas she's really excited about, or she prefers our conversations to be in Chinese.

She's local, so the latter might be unlikely, but who knows?

Anyways, might also be counting my chickens before they hatch.

Re-read my last post. Could barely recall the Brazilian woman now. Wonder how strange it is going to feel to read something from years ago, like I did a long time ago with my very first post.

Thought I'd fail my Pathophysiology and Pharmacology test, but turned out it wasn't an F, nor was it a D, but a C+. I am amazed.

Keen on getting a bamboo sax but my electric bass is too neglected for me to justify spending S$335 on it.

Big Anatomy test later. Confident enough for a C, maybe a B.

Next week is something of a killer again. One final big presentation on Monday morning, a simulation lab class that requires some homework on Tuesday, an escape-room style simulation lab class that requires a bit of revision beforehand on Wednesday, a simulated panel interview and a major test on Thursday, ending with another test on Friday.

And overarching this entire week are two case study essays we have to complete by the following week, which may be lighter but is also meant for mugging for one actual exam paper.

TBH this is still relatively ok compared to uni life. Really makes me wonder how they survive over in the university version of this programme because it will also be accelerated by a year.

A bit of rest tonight and back to the mugging tmr.